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Journeys: Laramie by Gabrielle Calvocoressi

13/05/2010

Laramie

By Gabrielle Calvocoressi

and sunny and the breeze blowing as I sit my car before driving home. Thank you. Thank you, Los Angeles. about 15 hours ago via mobile web

If you still feel like wandering join @ohaliciajo & @girlsintrouble as they take us through the Exodus. #FellowTravelers about 16 hours ago via mobile web

Thanks to everyone who was with me in Laramie: virtually, spiritually, physically. Truly. Thank you. about 16 hours ago via mobile web

Los Angeles. City I love so deeply, most deeply. Find my little red car. Drive home. about 16 hours ago via mobile web

On the plane in Denver. Los Angeles. One set of angels for another. about 18 hours ago via mobile web

Now footage of the huge immigration march in LA. Now FOX commentator rolling eyes & saying, “Some people say the Tea Party uses hate speech” about 20 hours ago via mobile web

Denver airport. Iced green tea, two hour layover, sitting in the farthest terminal for the peace. Palin on the tv w/giant American flags. about 21 hours ago via mobile web

20 yr old girl waving the plane in. Leaving. I am going to tell you the whole story. All of it. The narrow part. And the next. about 19 hours about via mobile web

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She told me that he’s covered in Nazi tattoos. She said he’s lost. So much mercy in the world, pushing into the horror & warming it. about 21 hours ago via mobile web

Temple of Heaven green tea as I wait. Aaron Mckinney was sentenced to death but Matthew Shepard’s parents asked for a reprieve. about 21 hours ago via mobile web

They taught me: Every Good Boy Does Fine. Which is not true. But you can make a song from it. about 22 hours ago via web

Packing the Shabbat candles I was given in Laramie. I’ll use them until they burn down. It is very windy for this flight. Looking out. about 22 hours ago via web

Prophesy: Fly & read Soul Mountain. Garden, Haircut and color, Eat good food & sleep in my bed. Cry. I think I’m going to really cry. about 23 hours ago via web

Not Mid-west friendly or California or NY. Quiet friendly & chivalrous & a little shy. I should say that. I should say there is sweetness. about 23 hours ago via web

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When I say I’d have been asked to dance it’s because people are friendly here. I think of Trevor the waiter & the men who got me candles. about 23 hours ago via web

I am so tired. Waking up & staring out the window. Prairie light. Shower. Breakfast. Drive to the Laramie airport. Fly to Denver. Fly to LA. about 24 hours ago via web

When I was his age I sat in a car with a girl who was with someone else. I shook as she kissed my wrist & took my fingers in her mouth. 10:03 PM Mar 27th via web

So many people here blame him for what happened. For getting in the truck. They say he wanted to have sex with them. So what? Honestly. 9:56 PM Mar 27th via web

It’s a long walk from where they parked to where the fence was. I thought that as I walked w/Beth. He had to know they planned to kill him. 9:34 PM Mar 27th via web

Aaron McKinney began pistol whipping Matthew Shepard as they passed Albertson’s market so he must have realized & begun to struggle. 9:33 PM Mar 27th via web

@porousborders for both of us. I am so grateful for everyone’s comments. How so many of us seem to be here together. 9:26 PM Mar 27th via web in reply to porousborders

@artificemag I haven’t dreamt here yet but it feels like a dream. The light, the prairie, the road that’s clear one minute & ice the next. 9:25 PM Mar 27th via web

@artificemag took a nap, dreamed about your tweets from Laramie, @gabbat 3:13 PM Mar 27th via HootSuite Retweeted by gabbat

Long shower. The people have been so kind to me. But I would not go to the cowboy bar and risk having to say no if a man asked me to dance. 9:22 PM Mar 27th via web

I almost could not get through the poem about the fence. That has never happened to me before. 8:43 PM Mar 27th via web

What is it? What is it I’m feeling now. Read in a former brothel, ate lunch in a former brothel. City of want & silence. 7:07 PM Mar 27th via mobile web

If you haven’t done it you cannot know the heat & surprise & pleasure of someone of your own sex moving their hands & mouth down your body. 2:31 PM Mar 27th via web

I always thought he was far from town. I thought he must have been far from town. But he wasn’t. You can see houses from where he was killed 2:18 PM Mar 27th via web

I should start by saying I knew I could see the land from my window without anyone telling me. And it’s true. All night it was with me. 2:02 PM Mar 27th via mobile web

We’ve gone out there. It’s going to take me awhile to say this. 1:25 PM Mar 27th via mobile web

Beth is driving me out there. My fear of seeming like a tourist. She says I am not. She says the tourists call. I feel grateful. 12:54 PM Mar 27th via mobile web

Trevor, the young waiter took me to the basement to show me where he saw the ghost. “I’ve never felt scared outside.” he said. 12:12 PM Mar 27th via mobile web

Driving with no visibility. What it must have ben like to be outside all night. Brave driver. Whiteout. 10:17 AM Mar 27th via mobile web

Too dangerous. Turning back. We are in the midst of something. 10:14 AM Mar 27th via mobile web

Driving through the prairie, fierce winds and losing visibility. We may have to turn back. Fences all along the ride. 10:13 AM Mar 27th via mobile web

Getting gas at the Kum & Go. As opposed to the Loaf & Jug. Amazing. 9:59 AM Mar 27th via mobile web

Amazing Q&A with artists at Laramie And my knight from Missouri and now we go into the country. 9:44 AM Mar 27th via mobile web

Falwell Jr on tv decrying hcr. Baptist minister in town said he hoped Shepard spent his time tied to the fence reflecting on his sins. 7:40 AM Mar 27th via web

Falwell’s son on hotel tv. Baptist minister in Laramie said he hoped Shepard spent his last moments reflecting on the error of his ways. 7:38 AM Mar 27th via web

I’ll be taken to the land today. The fence is gone. It’s near a subdivision. They say I can walk onto the prairie and get the feeling of it. 6:07 AM Mar 27th via web

@saeedjones Sunset on the High Line and stroll across for drinks at Angel’s Share (that little secret not so secret but very romantic bar)? 6:05 AM Mar 27th via web in reply to saeedjones

Morning in Laramie. A bit of altitude sickness that I hope won’t get worse. Snow on the ground now. My window framing a huge American flag. 5:23 AM Mar 27th via web

Drinking a ton of water to fight altitude sickness. Not sure it’s working. Headache and some trouble breathing. 2:25 AM Mar 27th via mobile web

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They all handle the sword, and are expert in war; every man hath his sword upon his thigh, because of dread in the night. 9:33 PM Mar 26th via web

Lit candles. Now it’s snowing. 9:04 PM Mar 26th via web

What I’m listening to in Laramie. The old songs from my own danger, my own fields. Angel mix. #1 http://bit.ly/doqQjK 8:41 PM Mar 26th via web

Shook hands & introduced myself & as I walked away the man called out “Shabbat shalom.” God is involved in this story. 7:55 PM Mar 26th via mobile web

Asked for matches. They said one sec. Then one man said, “I used to work for a Jewish theater company in NY.” I hadn’t said why I needed the light. 7:54 PM Mar 26th via mobile web

Realized I forgot my candles. Stood & thought then walked back to the hotel kitchen & said I have a strange request. Asked for candles & 7:52 PM Mar 26th via mobile web

I asked the Professor about Matthew Shepard. He changed the subject. 7:43 PM Mar 26th via mobile web

Students driving me back to the hotel. much to think about. 7:42 PM Mar 26th via mobile web

Whitman died today in 1892. ” …death./Which I do not forget,/But fuse the song of my dusky demon and brother,/That he sang to me…” 4:18 PM Mar 26th via web Retweeted by you and 2 others

I will tweet through Shabbat. Feels right as lighting candles & looking out at the mountains. God is part of this story. For better & worse. 4:01 PM Mar 26th via web

@memali I have landed. In the hotel. Beautiful and strange here. God’s country whomever one’s God may be. Lots of ghosts. A deep Shabbat. 3:57 PM Mar 26th via web in reply to memali

I was supposed to meet Craig Arnold on this visit. He was so kind to me without me knowing him. Such a champion of my work. 3:43 PM Mar 26th via web

When the sky turned brown & we rode the clouds like a little boat in a big boat’s wake. The deep joy of my living body. My God. Beautiful. 2:55 PM Mar 26th via mobile web

Smallest plane I’ve ever been on and a storm coming. 16 seats. Dark in here. 2:10 PM Mar 26th via mobile web

Boarding for Laramie. 2:06 PM Mar 26th via mobile web

Told me it can be beautiful if I keep my eyes open and am with the right people. I believe he meant, Keep Safe. 1:44 PM Mar 26th via mobile web

A man just asked where I’m headed. I said, “Laramie.” He said, “That’s an interesting place. Lot of history there.” Looked at me hard & kind 1:43 PM Mar 26th via mobile web

On untying him from the fence the EMT said, I did not want to do any more harm to Matthew. 1:31 PM Mar 26th via mobile web

When asked if Shepard had said anything during the beating, McKinney replied he left him begging for his life. 1:29 PM Mar 26th via mobile web

Police reported the only part of Shepard’s head that was not covered in blood was where his tears had washed it clean. 1:25 PM Mar 26th via mobile web

The bartender said Matthew Shepard was the perfect customer and also lonely. I wonder if that’s the right word. Thinking of that as I write. 1:02 PM Mar 26th via mobile web

Plains, snow covered grids that look like chalkboards, little plane to Laramie in an hour, finished half of Sports Desk. 12:04 PM Mar 26th via mobile web

Sitting on the runway. Denver then Laramie. Going to write abt Greeks & love & baseball. Who am I? Going to the crossroads. 9:44 AM Mar 26th via mobile web

My God. Drawing of the woman with butterfly headdress on the cover of the NYer. Like a visitation. Laramie/McQueen. 9:05 AM Mar 26th via mobile web

There’s an article in Oprah’s mag abt falling in love with an F to M. Not sensational just real. Sitting on the floor of LAX & thinking deep 8:34 AM Mar 26th via mobile web

No traffic. Gorgeous out. I am thinking about the prairie. 7:45 AM Mar 26th via mobile web

Watched her get dressed in the glow of the salt lamp, tried to focus my breathing. Rain outside. Bancha, packing, garden, car, LAX, Laramie. 5:23 AM Mar 26th via web

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Demoralizing week. “Let’s go out.” Sushi, cold sake, at the end of the meal rice & salmon in hot broth w/shiso leaf. Feast before Laramie. 9:03 PM Mar 25th via web

The first sexual dream I ever had was in 3rd grade & involved my third grade teacher, Miss. Namnoum & the space program. LAX-WY in 16 hrs. 6:10 PM Mar 25th via web

My grandfather used to take me to the feed store. It was this big red barnlike building with a giant open doorway. We’d buy birdseed there. 3:21 PM Mar 25th via web

I feel very grateful that the grad students at Wyoming want to show me around Laramie tomorrow and Saturday. 12:59 PM Mar 25th via mobile web

At least one of Matthew Shepard’s killers was high on crystal meth. 12:44 PM Mar 25th via mobile web

I’ve heard it’s beautiful in Laramie. 11:31 AM Mar 25th via mobile web

A man named Aaron pistol whipped him, tortured him, tied him to a fence. A man named Aaron mistook him for a scarecrow, untied him. got help 9:29 AM Mar 25th via web

“Shortly after midnight on October 7, 1998, Shepard met Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson at the Fireside Lounge in Laramie, Wyoming.” 8:54 AM Mar 25th via web

The first viewer comment creates an interesting dissonance & I am aware of ghosts everywhere: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6ItzF78vbM 7:24 AM Mar 25th via web

Last night A. said, “What does your type look like?” and I said, “A gorgeous woman in a dress and make up who would protect me like a man.” 6:35 AM Mar 25th via web

I dreamt I was standing in the snow and the sky was really blue and I said, “Where am I? Is this where I’m reading?” Laramie. 5:55 AM Mar 25th via web

My deepest fear is that the people I allow myself to trust and love will forget and abandon me. This is somehow involved with Laramie. 5:45 AM Mar 25th via web

Next part of the tour starts in two days. Gonna tweet from Laramie about history & desire & the inner pastoral. Getting ready. You come too. 1:15 PM Mar 24th via web

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“Gabbat” actually comes from taking back a term I was teased with. Can’t think of anything nicer than @tarabetts making it cool. Thanks! 12:22 PM Mar 24th via web

Frustrated. Going to walk and get fixings for tacos. 11:44 AM Mar 24th via web

Do I want to cook the Passover meal for everyone? Why, yes. Yes I do. Greek Kosher. On it. 10:26 AM Mar 24th via web

First task done. New vision test of 90 minutes work. 30 minute walk or sit outside. Gonna figure this out just like when I was little. 9:21 AM Mar 24th via web

Slow and steady and gentle and forgiving and everything will get done in time today. 6:12 AM Mar 24th via web

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It’s nice to cook the quinoa and go into the garden and choose escarole instead. It’s nice to smell the onions cooking. Dinner. 7:27 PM Mar 23rd via web

You know when you get the greens and the feta and the quinoa and then you just want someone to cook the pie for you? 6:34 PM Mar 23rd via mobile web

Second half: Letter. Sports Desk. Laramie Project. Cut kale & chard. Make pie of greens & quinoa. Stare at the dream. Ask what it wants. 3:37 PM Mar 23rd via web

@empenney The Runaways? It’s really good. Seriously. 3:33 PM Mar 23rd via web in reply to empenney

Oh my. When they play Crimson and Clover at the end of The Runaways. Something just shifts inside me. 3:12 PM Mar 23rd via web

Reading The Laramie Project, which immediately references Angels in America. Conversations. This is a big week. 12:08 PM Mar 23rd via mobile web

My phone’s about to die. Again. A few hours from being near my charger. Goodbye Blackberry. Hello Droid. 11:43 AM Mar 23rd via mobile web

Gonna sit on a branch and tweet about Laramie. Thank you @dayowls. 10:41 AM Mar 23rd via mobile web

All I want is you, won’t you stay with be, hold me in your arms, sway me like the sea. #earwalk 10:40 AM Mar 23rd via mobile web

On the phone, “Who’s Matthew Shepherd?” He’s the man who got bashed in Carroll Gardens. He’s the gay soldier killed at Pendleton. He’s me. 10:15 AM Mar 23rd via web Retweeted by you and 1 other

Gonna walk up to the bookstore, buy The Laramie Project, eat Malaysian curry at the farmer’s market, see The Runaways, walk home round 4. 9:35 AM Mar 23rd via web

I’m going to Laramie to read this weekend. Going to tweet all weekend (even through the Sabbath) about that place and what it raises in me. 8:53 AM Mar 23rd via web Retweeted by you

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Gabrielle Calvocoressi is the author of two book of poetry, Apocalyptic Swing and The Last Time I Saw Amelia Earhart, both from Persea Books. This post gathers the writer’s Twitter updates from a visit to Laramie, WY, over a series of five days, with the most recent posts first. Other Twitter feeds mentioned here can be found by prefixing http://twitter.com/ + username.

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